So, you've been a little bit irritable lately. Whose to blame you? The damn holidays just finished and you didn't even get that pet raccoon you hinted so hard at. Drooling and voice change are just side effects of that backordered phen-fen you've been popping like laxatives in an eating disorder clinic. Luckily, your malaise, nausea, and itchiness will soon give way to delirium, brain swelling and cardiac failure. You're a shoo-in for watercooler gossip this week! Too bad you can't go near it for your crippling hydrophobia.
Congratulations, you have rabies.
Tip of the day: Stay away from old yeller, recent events may color your memory of that bygone classic.
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